静静的圣诞节， 闻着静静的风， 想起了2008 年的圣诞。 那大概是我最美丽的圣诞节吧？
和大家一起的圣诞， 没有烦恼的圣诞， 那时没有爱情的伤痕， 有着妈妈的爱。好开心哦。
神呀。。。 如果可以回到那一天就好。 =）
其实， 没有回到那一天也无所谓， 两年后的我长大了， ２１岁的圣诞， 很开心的又回到这样的感觉。 ＝） 有着这么的平静就够了。 ＝） 现在的我好舒服， 好开心。 =）
i m wondering what i hv done to deserve this gift from my friend, Ivee Ng. =) this is the most precious gift of all. unmeasureable, unreplaceable. IVeE, thx you!
Walking like a corpse…
Smiling like a robot…
Talk? Lolx- I don’t even feel like talking…
…
Cn give me a name? … So I know how to act it out?
M I Xing Lin or not…
I can’t recognize her…
I dare not to look into the mirror Bcoz I cnt face myself.
Wat make me into this… Wat make me do that? Is me myself!
I can’t recognize myself become this, …
Looking into my mind …
I found that my mind is driven by emotions.
Lolx! One more successful confession that pulling myself closer into getting truth love! Hohoho! 
( simply saying- my confession fail :”( ) – actually I didn’t confess at all lAh- he know abt it. :3 :p so to a certain extend, there r similar.
I didn’t plan to confess. Cause I knew thing wouldnt work out. :3 so I rather just don’t said anything la… but then ytd I was trying to talk to him, and do some clearance of misunderstanding if there is… but after I hv consult 2 friends- Zhen en n … I realized that sometime some thing don’t hv to be explain… Cause no matter what … The explanation won’t affect anything, itaybe meaningless. So life is move on from there…
Zhen en said:” I don’t feel like u r sad at all”
Hm that sth weird… I m wondering is it because ending hv alr been known/predicated that y, I didn’t feel much impact? or perhaps, I don’t love him as much as I thought or I m just basically strong emotionally?
Actually hw I wish I can cry it all out… But I found no reason to cry. It will only seen stupid? Lolx- yup, perhaps I hv let logical reasoning over take my emotional.
Or perhaps… Unconsciously, 我不相让自己再因为爱而哭泣，因为因爱而掉的眼泪实在是太痛了。
Anyway, My tear form but it didn’t drop. hohoho!
I think I m just trying to act strong… Trying too hard…
Anyway!!!! 
Hehehe!!!! Zhi Heng will be working in nuh! I m super happy! is nice to hv friends wking around the same area!
Nxt Monday is our( Zhen en, Zhi Heng n mine!) dinner tgt! Oyay! I m looking forward to it! lalala!
Ps: 在我还没掉眼泪前让我越开心越好！
你喜欢我的声音， 我听到了。 =）
我不是笨蛋。 。。
谢谢。。。成经我也喜欢过你 可是。。。 现在我有难以忘舍的“他”。
三到五年是我给我自己的期限， 如果那时候你还喜欢着我， 而他还一样的话。 我们就像今天所说的， 一起飞吧。 =）
对不起，因为我想在放手之前， 紧紧地捉住不放。 如果真的喜欢一定可以找到，三到五年间， 我们为我们的人生加油吧。=) Sorry but … Thank you. For now…
对你的感觉无法形容， 看着《星空》 想起了很多和你的事情。 你有吗？ “爱情不会来的， 因为他没有点头吗爱情就一定不会来” 我说的“他”， 我知道你知道是你。
。。。 你知道吗。。。 不知你不敢面对着感觉， 我也是。。。 所以我情愿和你一样装傻。 那样对你就能简单了。
喜欢一个人， 简单一点吗就好就开心了。即使只是在你身边多很开心。
现在的我不管你这么想。。。
我只是想静静的爱你而已。 就这样而已。 =）
let this be a reflection day of since Oct 2011.
i havent been blogging since end of sept… is because, too much things have happened.
my biz (that most of my friends have known what i am doing) something big have happened, that is inappopritate to disclose thus i can’t blog abt it and i am obesses by what have happened. it is awful, and i somehow hurt me alot, more than i know, but somehow i am able to corp with it well. =) perhaps i have to thank the training that i have went through over there, or perhaps thank to all the unfortunate events that i hv gone through that make me stronger alr. =)
Before that happened, Hai yin association have (to a certain extend) collapse too. my 16 year olds, second home, Collapse just because the top management have problem. my biz too, due to problem in upper mangement that causes our whole biz to be strongly affected. for both system, collapes unexpectedly. lolx.
One of my closest shi fu, leave us so suddenly too, he relodge( no longer be a monk).
this 3 events happened, really lead me to think that nth is permanent. i known this i am young, but i nv experience such a big impact, and this really lead me to think of what i wan, what i wan to be, plan flexiblity and do my best in everything and i can.
Nursing life SUX! or perhaps i should said, working life sux. lolx! now i know why ppl said that working is tougher than studying, it is true, the ppl that u are meeting, their action, thoughts and attitude is really not as a student, they are smarter, stronger, cunning, wiser, i hv found myself being a kid in the world of society, (i thought i am good) but No, the world is bigger than i thought.
Do it now and now, don’t wait, don’t procrastinate on whatever thing i wanna to do. plan and do it, no procastintion, because i will forget abt it. this what i learn from my workplace and is still on going practising. thinking abt thinking. in life is either you are smart to sneak through or you walk through by walking on the SOP. lolx!
Anyway, life is darker than i thought, or perhaps, i nv choose to believe in it, because in the past i always thought i am a part timer thus i don’t have to care much, i always thought that i am not going to stay in an organization for long, thus i nv have that kind of stress, in another words, i am always living in the initial stage of event, which is a stage there ugly truth is still enclose. lolx! but should i jump from organization to organization due to this or i should learn to face it( in fact i am now facing it)? hahaha, perhaps i meant that to be 2 yr later, after i hv finish serving my bond w NUH.
Recently, i am thinking of going oversea and explore? but today, seeing at mum’s condition, perhaps, now i know why that my past life( that A guy) doesn’t like my this life. lolx! cause he like to travel but current life, i can’t, cause i don’t wan to be an infilial daughter.
that lead me to my 3 special days,
an oversea trip, with someone i love? (:P is a single side love too. … but i believe he knew abt the feeling that i hv on him. (but perhaps, both of us are trying to act blur?) lolx! before talk abt what happened there tell talk abt him a bit. Him, who doesn’t look good, not taller than me( man ting told me that he is 159cm which is taller than me but … i doubt so lei. lolx, nvm i will keep a look out on who is taller, the nxt time when i have a chance), but logical, care for family, care for his friends and wise. To a certain extend both of us have the same interest- singing, history, oversea, care for family and sibling the most importantly! HE like JPOP! (lolx! that is a great point( this point itself attract me alot.) lolx! – i found that i have type a load of thing regarding him in this paragraph. yup, i am into him, that is something i can’t denied, and fail to hide, to the extend, i start to keep a distance from him( which isn’t what i wan). why i fall for him, because- … i don’t know, but i just feel one thing- i feel geniue happiness and comfortness, when i am with him. even though he always said that i am KPO and irritating. 
despite him saying that, i m still thinking of way, and idea to get to know him more. :p aiya~
loving him is different from loving my ex. yup( i uses the word “love”). cause that feeling toward him, is really weird that i can’t explain therefore, comparing with the most impactful( which i define it as love), the feeling toward him is above that.
what happened up there in Genting…
this is the first time i went oversea with my friends, ironically, they are not closest friends (except for mt), to me, it is the first time, i release myself from everything in life and enjoy to my fullness. saw myself jumping and hopping everywhere and anywhere( show how happy i am). I would said that, i show my truth self, in front of them, which is rare of the rare.
first day, was full of excitement and uncertainly…
travelling w them in coach is fun. we didn’t chat much in the coach but everything is drawn out…
is pruely, blesssing to man ting and happiness. that day, dinner was awesome, and is nice to realize that he is someone who like quietness/ sunset/ natural(to a certain extend) =)
Second day and third day, those time that i have spend w them(or him) is really kept tight in my memories.
especially those moment that i have with him. is so anxious yet felt a sense of happiness and sweetness, expressing in front of him, that part of me, who is so strong outside, but as fearful as a lady inside. seeing that part of him who can withstand cold weatherm that playful part, and LOGICAL part of really let me understand him more and those experience become one of my happiest memories( that i nv wan to forget). OYA! =.=!!! he seen to be fearless too~ while we are playing pirate ship. -.-!!! lolx! he can look at my direction ( i was sitting alone(opporsite of my friends, so i can take pic n video them.)) with that steady look, that really impress and scared me(to a certain extend).
on that day itself, we went into cusino, i was so scared, scared by those gambler eyes- filled greed, money, lure, cunning, fear etc… their world is unknowningly dark. so scared that i hold on to him… :p really hv to thank him for lending his aem to me, i know he is not comfortable throughout the session. :p etc etc events, on that last 2 days really made that trip into a Dream Ideal outing of my life- thx to ppl who is on board.
After when we are back from genting… our life back into normal.
currently, still love him… but…
i wanna to get know him more …
at the same time, didn’t limit myself to better guy ba~
during our stay in gentin, we ask for our fortunate, i ask regarding love relationship: how is my relationship gg to be, especially w him? – it said not now, if you really in love w him, perhaps dec- march would be awesome to action.
actually, action? i don’t plan to do any, Love relationship is something i can’t control, thus, i rather be passive. hmm- my plan for this…
is to seriously let him enjoy the feeling of being love by me, and let him decide by himself. i will do my best. lolx.
你知道吗每一个下雨天我都会想你， 因为是在雨季时开始喜欢你。
喜欢一个人到底是这么的感觉？ 好奇怪， 喜欢一个人不是一直会去想要和他在一起吗？可是现在的我只想多认识他， 一点一点的认识他。喜欢上他真的好幸福，因为自己理智了， 微笑了。
这是喜欢吗？
2011 is going to pass soon,
this is a tough year, i have been through a lot a lot of things, slowly start to understand LIFE, =) ironically, in this moment, upon seeing the ugly truth in life, i am happier.
很开心过， 很伤心过，哭不停过， 笑不停过，恨过，爱过，不知所措过， 坚定过， 后悔过， 相信过。。。
重要的是终于有勇气做我自己和相信自己。 =）
All this experiences i would like to credit them to ppls in life of my Nursing Student, InLife, Hai Yin, My Primary School friends, Secondary school, NUHS nursing and nvtheless My Family. =)
Ppl: Thank you.
我想继续加油下去。
去到一个有你们的未来。
lolx~ before i when jogging with Victor, this sentence pop out, “i won’t lose to a guy”, it was a sentense that i have said when i was 11 year old, when i first met my guyfriends, we play basketball together n i m always a nosy shooter, but i am always great abt getting ball. lolx! and i rarely hv girlfriends because of this. llolx!
years have pass, and i have slowly forgotten that sentense that i have said before.
what have cause this?
challenges n culture differences n perhaps grown up? lolx!
gap between vic n i got so big that i can’t catch up. idiot, stupid fellow. lolx! from, i overtake him till now he is far far always from me, hahaha! i finally understand the theory n the physical n mental differences a female n male have. lolx~
=)
Conclusion…
once winner, doesn’t mean that it is forever.
once loser, doesn’t mean that u won’t overtake whoever is in front. =)
I won’t give up.
Today, I m not focus in my life. Obvious enough for ppl to notice. Lolx- I m wondering where is my soul. “somewhere over the rainbow?” Lolx, recently I would sing that when ever ppl ask me where is the stuff, while I hv no idea. Hahaha~
I don’t know what I m worry abt or thinking abt. There is so many wondering thoughts spinning around me. Those problems isn’t unsolved. I m just purely worrying n unhappy abt it.
firstly,
My dad been cheated by a bitch! Fuck that fucking bitch upside down! Idiot! Luckily I m working if not I will curse her! F her!
Y always the kindest person always got bully n misunderstood. Ass hole! There is one day that stupid en just practically disappear!
Or should I scold myself to be too idiot!? Or not good in ec or language!? Perhaps I should.
N recently is there earthquake in sg?
Why is it that my world on n off shaking???
Then my glum keep on n off bleeding like I hv own it?
idiot! The greatest thing I dislike is been falsely accuse. N F the stupid person for falsely accuse me for my character. I m fucking gg to leave Him far far fucking away.
Idiot!
“I prefer to care for patient the normal ppl” I agree w what this person said. Fuck off, inappreciative ppl.
A person willing to spare her/his kindness to u is because he/she know how this that event that u hv describe is gg to affect a person. So they u r misunderstanding his/her words. Fuck of. I m so fucking piss off.
Huh! This song that is playing, is bringing back that stupid idiot memories that I hv w that boy! Ass hole kid that shuttled my heart into pieces. Ya! That relationship my stupidity too.
N thinking abt all this things is a fucking stupidity toooooo! Fuck myself so upside down for being so fucking stupid! Ass hole to myself!
N I m gg to be ass hole if I continue being like this!
FUCK U PPLZ n FUCK U HO XING LIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oooo~ is nice to ventilate unhappiness. Lolx I felt more comfortable now, I didn’t know that I m so fucking angry… Hahaha!
So from now on…
1) don’t lend ppl money le…
2) be fair n go according to rules
3) don’t be too kind. Be smart- take care of myself.
Ps: fuck.
