Subject: My last letter to you. sorry.
Date: 14 December 2009 13: 20PM
(in a gentle, slow & soft tone) HIM, you know what? frankly speaking-.-!! i am affected by EVERYTHING abt you. your update, your mood, your reply, your horoscope, your states and how are you doing. (yup, i will ask around abt your condition and always view your msn profile, and that why i notice that you have blocked mi, and i know that you have block mi 6 month ago, and i know that you did come online sometimes within that 6 month, even though you said you didn’t. initially, i didn’t believe that is true that you have blocked till, one day i by chance log in to someone( guzheng member with your account too) else msn and i saw your update & you did come online when my msn acc couldn’t see your update and show your online status at all.)
Anything from you can affect my mood from happy to sad, from sad to happy. just by one reply from you could make mi have a great slp, one missing reply from you could make my night restless. that moment when i open my eyes from my slp/dream, first thing i thought abt is always you.
sometime unconsciously, i found myself holding my phone and looking at it, and there was once i asked myself why did i do that, i found my answer was… hoping that you might msg mi out of some miracle.
when i try to draw some art pieces, i found my mind is fill with nth but everything abt you.
when i am listening to some new love song, i would start to tear as i reminisce those day.
ya~ i know this is a less than 1 month relationship so by right i shouldn’t be in a state of what i am now, but i am being really affected by you in all ways. ya~ as time goes by my condition is better compare to 6 month ago, as in i didn’t cry as that frequently and unreasonably. but it seen that, i am becoming irritating because i found myself keep pestering you almost every day.
i feel that i am so irritating.
i know that both of us are in different world, both of our life in any way they don’t/won’t cross. I know from the beginning till now everything was ME that being one sided and i am trying to control myself in all ways i can, but i just can’t bare to do that. keep telling myelf not to msg & disturb you unneccessary because you are no longer that someone i should care so much for. i try to tell myself that “ya, i treat everyone the same” but no, particularly to you, my mood can just swing easily and i am caring too much.
recently, i cried again, after i have heard a new love song on sat till sunday then i’ve stop.
then i found myself want to tell you EVerything.
goosh~ i really don’t know why i am acting in this way. arhhH!!! sometime i wish can said “i hate you”, and deceive myself and move on without you but whenever i found that there is a chance that i may not be able to see you in the future, i will start to do something, simply because i don’t want to miss you out in my life in anyway.
I am not blaming you for anything; i know is my own problem. and i want to apologize for disturbing you.
“I am Sorry.”
so i think of a way, that is! i am NOT going to talk to you, see you, msg you in any condition! if there is ANything related to guzheng that i need to contact you, i will msg to other and asked them spread around and hopefully that msg will reach you. OMG~ i am crazy abt doing this. (said in a very dramatic way)
(back to normal tone) be friend with you again, is really killing mi. i am not really a person that capable to hide feeling anymore after i have fall for you. it is really killing mi to talk to you like normal friend because i have SO much more that i wan to asked you and tell you and it is really torturing to see all your update because every time when you are sad i felt so heartbroken too, it is really killing me when i can’t care for you beyond the lvl of friend. i really hope that i can treat you as Normal friend, but i can’t. i really can’t. i mean i won’t msg a friend almost every day, i won’t think of a friend 24 hours, i won’t look at a friend update everyday and every time i on my laptop, i won’t care for a friend that much, i won’t type this length long msg, i won’t think of my friend whenever i hold a pencil to draw.
i really really really really really X countless! to be friend with you but… i know if i continue to decieve myself that i can do that, you and i will be in bad condition in the near/ far future.
i thought i can be different, but i am still a girl.
that book, if it mean NOTHING to you then post it back, please? they are part of mi(memories) that i by mistake didn’t take away, i don’t wan one day when you have a new girlfriend, you may ended up throwing it away. since to you our relationship didn’t mean anything to you please post them back. cause it mean diamond to mi. (my address: Blk 899A Woodlands Drive 50 #04-256 S(730899))
then… sometime… knowing that i couldn’t know you from anyway feel like sending my to hell, but for your’s and my benefit i have to do that. hahaha, saying all this sound like you back at 7 month ago. hahaha but this time is different.
sorry, i am so childish, not mature to handle this stuff.
(i won’t block you from msn, cause no reason to do that, i just won’t see your’s update only) so… ya. the end.
sorry, if back then i didn’t let myself fall so much, then i don’t have to do this. ya, maybe to you, you feel nth, but to mi. is like the way you fall for HER. 
so good luck.
hehehe! But I am targeting hving my weight at 49kg by then! 
