let this be a reflection day of since Oct 2011.
i havent been blogging since end of sept… is because, too much things have happened.
my biz (that most of my friends have known what i am doing) something big have happened, that is inappopritate to disclose thus i can’t blog abt it and i am obesses by what have happened. it is awful, and i somehow hurt me alot, more than i know, but somehow i am able to corp with it well. =) perhaps i have to thank the training that i have went through over there, or perhaps thank to all the unfortunate events that i hv gone through that make me stronger alr. =)
Before that happened, Hai yin association have (to a certain extend) collapse too. my 16 year olds, second home, Collapse just because the top management have problem. my biz too, due to problem in upper mangement that causes our whole biz to be strongly affected. for both system, collapes unexpectedly. lolx.
One of my closest shi fu, leave us so suddenly too, he relodge( no longer be a monk).
this 3 events happened, really lead me to think that nth is permanent. i known this i am young, but i nv experience such a big impact, and this really lead me to think of what i wan, what i wan to be, plan flexiblity and do my best in everything and i can.
Nursing life SUX! or perhaps i should said, working life sux. lolx! now i know why ppl said that working is tougher than studying, it is true, the ppl that u are meeting, their action, thoughts and attitude is really not as a student, they are smarter, stronger, cunning, wiser, i hv found myself being a kid in the world of society, (i thought i am good) but No, the world is bigger than i thought.
Do it now and now, don’t wait, don’t procrastinate on whatever thing i wanna to do. plan and do it, no procastintion, because i will forget abt it. 
this what i learn from my workplace and is still on going practising. thinking abt thinking. in life is either you are smart to sneak through or you walk through by walking on the SOP. lolx!
Anyway, life is darker than i thought, or perhaps, i nv choose to believe in it, because in the past i always thought i am a part timer thus i don’t have to care much, i always thought that i am not going to stay in an organization for long, thus i nv have that kind of stress, in another words, i am always living in the initial stage of event, which is a stage there ugly truth is still enclose. lolx! but should i jump from organization to organization due to this or i should learn to face it( in fact i am now facing it)? hahaha, perhaps i meant that to be 2 yr later, after i hv finish serving my bond w NUH.
Recently, i am thinking of going oversea and explore? but today, seeing at mum’s condition, perhaps, now i know why that my past life( that A guy) doesn’t like my this life. lolx! cause he like to travel but current life, i can’t, cause i don’t wan to be an infilial daughter.
that lead me to my 3 special days,
an oversea trip, with someone i love? (:P is a single side love too. … but i believe he knew abt the feeling that i hv on him. (but perhaps, both of us are trying to act blur?) lolx! before talk abt what happened there tell talk abt him a bit. Him, who doesn’t look good, not taller than me( man ting told me that he is 159cm which is taller than me but … i doubt so lei. lolx, nvm i will keep a look out on who is taller, the nxt time when i have a chance), but logical, care for family, care for his friends and wise. To a certain extend both of us have the same interest- singing, history, oversea, care for family and sibling the most importantly! HE like JPOP! (lolx! that is a great point( this point itself attract me alot.) lolx! – i found that i have type a load of thing regarding him in this paragraph. yup, i am into him, that is something i can’t denied, and fail to hide, to the extend, i start to keep a distance from him( which isn’t what i wan). why i fall for him, because- … i don’t know, but i just feel one thing- i feel geniue happiness and comfortness, when i am with him. even though he always said that i am KPO and irritating. 
despite him saying that, i m still thinking of way, and idea to get to know him more. :p aiya~
loving him is different from loving my ex. yup( i uses the word “love”). cause that feeling toward him, is really weird that i can’t explain therefore, comparing with the most impactful( which i define it as love), the feeling toward him is above that.
what happened up there in Genting…
this is the first time i went oversea with my friends, ironically, they are not closest friends (except for mt), to me, it is the first time, i release myself from everything in life and enjoy to my fullness. saw myself jumping and hopping everywhere and anywhere( show how happy i am). I would said that, i show my truth self, in front of them, which is rare of the rare.
first day, was full of excitement and uncertainly…
travelling w them in coach is fun. we didn’t chat much in the coach but everything is drawn out…
is pruely, blesssing to man ting and happiness. that day, dinner was awesome, and is nice to realize that he is someone who like quietness/ sunset/ natural(to a certain extend) =)
Second day and third day, those time that i have spend w them(or him) is really kept tight in my memories.
especially those moment that i have with him. is so anxious yet felt a sense of happiness and sweetness, expressing in front of him, that part of me, who is so strong outside, but as fearful as a lady inside. seeing that part of him who can withstand cold weatherm that playful part, and LOGICAL part of really let me understand him more and those experience become one of my happiest memories( that i nv wan to forget). OYA! =.=!!! he seen to be fearless too~ while we are playing pirate ship. -.-!!! lolx! he can look at my direction ( i was sitting alone(opporsite of my friends, so i can take pic n video them.)) with that steady look, that really impress and scared me(to a certain extend).
on that day itself, we went into cusino, i was so scared, scared by those gambler eyes- filled greed, money, lure, cunning, fear etc… their world is unknowningly dark. so scared that i hold on to him… :p really hv to thank him for lending his aem to me, i know he is not comfortable throughout the session. :p etc etc events, on that last 2 days really made that trip into a Dream Ideal outing of my life- thx to ppl who is on board.
After when we are back from genting… our life back into normal.
currently, still love him… but…
i wanna to get know him more …
at the same time, didn’t limit myself to better guy ba~
during our stay in gentin, we ask for our fortunate, i ask regarding love relationship: how is my relationship gg to be, especially w him? – it said not now, if you really in love w him, perhaps dec- march would be awesome to action.
actually, action? i don’t plan to do any, Love relationship is something i can’t control, thus, i rather be passive. hmm- my plan for this…
is to seriously let him enjoy the feeling of being love by me, and let him decide by himself. i will do my best. lolx.
